


Backslide

by exoSHIPfeelsies (TaeKookiefeels)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst and Feels, Arguing, Attempt at Humor, Autoerotic Asphyxiation, Bad Sex, Bedroom Sex, Bottom Do Kyungsoo | D.O, Crack, Dancer Kim Jongin | Kai, Do Kyungsoo is sexually frustrated, Do Kyungsoo | D.O-centric, Dry Orgasm, Exboyfriends, Fluff, Kai has tattoo, Kitchen Sex, Kyungsoo has a stick up his ass, Kyungsoo is doubtful, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Up, Multiple Orgasms, Oral Sex, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Relationship(s), Post Christmas, Post-Break Up, Romance, Smut, Top Kim Jongin | Kai, first chapter is more of a foreword, going back for sex, jongin is domestic af, they're still in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-14 02:53:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10527330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaeKookiefeels/pseuds/exoSHIPfeelsies
Summary: How do you fight it? When that anger sets in, when the frustration gets the best of you, when you can't fucking stand dating other people because the sex is so fucking BAD. How do you not go back? How do you ignore the late night text messages? How do you keep saying no when all you want to do is to say yes? Kyungsoo has figured it out. He's solved this problem once and for all and the answer is simple. How do you keep saying no to Kim Jongin?You don't.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this starts off a little cracky but then goes in a completely different direction.
> 
> I feel like bottom Jongin is more popular so I was considering switching the characters but this is how I wrote it originally so I am deciding to just keep it
> 
> Hope you like it!

Kyungsoo smiles and turns to open his front door. This date hadn't been so bad. He's not a good kisser though, so Kyungsoo will just try to avoid the whole kiss goodnigh–

"Soo?"

He winces. "Yes?"

Luhan reaches out to gently take the boy's hand and turn him around and _no. Oh no. No. Don't let him do it don't let him do it don't let him–_

Kyungsoo freezes as he feels Luhan's lips on his and leans away but the boy misinterprets this as being playful and just follows him but it's only a lip lock so the brunette decides to stick this one out, panicking when Luhan actually opens his mouth and fucking jabs his tongue out and instinct takes over as the annoyed boy opens his mouth in an attempt to accommodate this but is thoroughly disgusted as the wet intruder sweeps across his mouth in the most uncoordinated manner Kyungsoo has ever experienced like this kid just stuck it in and thought 'so I just lick all over right?' and _god damn it get this guy off of me_. Kyungsoo turns his head away only for the tongue to now make a thick trail of spit on his face and Luhan leans in, licking his neck and I guess trying to be kinky or creative but Kyungsoo feels so awkward and uncomfortable and _please God make it stop_. Kyungsoo finally clears his throat to get the boy's attention.

"Hey, uh, I really need to go inside."

Luhan pulls away.  "Oh. Okay, I'll see you soon?"

"Yeah." Lie. Fat lie. Kyungsoo locks the door behind him and groans. Worst. Kisser. Ever.

* * *

"Right there? Yeah you like that baby?"

"Like what?"

"What I'm doing to you. You like that don't you?"

"Chanyeol, we're on the phone."

A frustrated sigh seems to force its way through the speaker and Kyungsoo tries not to groan too loudly.

"Soo, you gotta losen up more baby. Have some fun. Common, just touch yourself and moan for me."

"No."

"Come on–"

"I, uh. Actually, I gotta go. My boss is beeping in." Lie.

"Oh. Well, I'll call you later and we'll have hours of phone sex."

"Why do we need to have phone sex? Why can't we have real sex?"

"Because, my mom says I can date boys as long as I don't let them touch me."

"...."

"Hello?"

* * *

Kyungsoo practically leaps onto the unfamiliar bed because this is the one, this is gonna be fucking amazing. He'd spent practically the whole day with Yifan, doing really unusual date activities like voluneering at the local food bank and then going to Yifan's grandma's house to try to fix the motion light on her portch which kept flickering when someone got too close followed by dinner at an obscure hole in the wall restaurant where you skin your own potatoes, that serves buckets of lamb and has waitresses talking in undistiguishable, blatantly fake accents and this whole day has been really freaking weird and Kyungsoo was about to call it quits when Yifan invited him into his house. At first the cinical brunette said no, but then Yifan kissed him goodnight. 

That kiss. Was amazing.

So here he is, excitedly rolling around on the mattress with this gorgeous male, clothing flying everywhere, condom and lube ready to go because finally someone who can meet his very reasonable standards. 

Kyungsoo grunts as Yifan presses himself inside, he didn't prep him very thoroughly so there's a slight burn, but it's not too bad. Kyungsoo starts to move with him and manipulate the angle to hit his sweet spot but the blonde is very enthusiastic and making it very difficult with his quick pace to find it so Kyungsoo starts to say something but is cut off by Yifan's obnoxiously loud moan and Kyungsoo gapes in disbelief as he feels the boy's hips stutter and stop and _oh fuck no–_ Yifan huffs an exhausted exhale and pulls out, rolling to the side and settling on his back. Kyungsoo glances at the clock. It's only been three minutes.  _Mother fucker_.

"Aww man that was fucking great." He rolls onto his side to face Kyungsoo, "Hey I just remembered my neighbors are repainting their house tomorrow. You wanna spend the night and come with me to give 'em a hand?"

He glares at the panting blonde in anger but quickly takes a deep breath to supress it before standing up calmly and putting clothes back on. He turns to face the confused man on the bed. "I'm leaving now."

"Wait, What? O-Okay, uh, call me!" 

Kyungsoo slams the front door shut and quickly realizes he didn't drive here but he isn't going back inside so he walks down the street to the bus stop and waits about 10 mins before getting picked up.

_Fuck my life._

His phone vibrates.

  


From: Stupid Jerk

Heyy, rehearsal cancelled tonight... Door's unlocked if you feel like not rejecting me for once ;)

  


Kyungsoo presses his tongue into his cheek and puts his phone away without responding. _His place is actually pretty close– off of the next stop... No, no, no. Don't even think about it_. The bus slows down and Kyungsoo shakes his head, physically telling himself no, as they pull up to the next stop. The doors open and a couple people stand and start walking to the front of the bus. Kyungsoo stands his ground. People begin to enter the bus.

"Kyungsoo!?"

The boy's soul practically shrieks and tries to leave his body at the sound of that voice but he clutches to it and stands up.

"Baekhyun. Heyy." _Oh my fucking god, just gag me_.

The boy laughs and gives him a huge hug and Kyungsoo looks at the doors which are now stuck open and the driver is messing with some wires.

"Kyungie I haven't seen you in months! Have you been avoiding that second date you promised me?" He playfully punches Kyungsoo's shoulder and grins widely. Kyungsoo has an awful flashback of Baekhyun talking nonstop about his pet ferret and then trying to chair dance for him and it was so corny and horrible and, _wait_ –

"I didn't promise another date."

"Well at least we have a couple stops until your house, I remember where it is." He smiles and Kyungsoo frowns suspiciously. 

"I never took you to my house."

Baekhyun is about to respond when the bus driver finally has some success fixing the door. 

"Ohhh, darn you know what?" Kyungsoo starts inching past the boy. "I'm actually getting off here today so I'll see you around." Hopefully a lie. He turns and books it to the front of the bus and leaps through the doors without looking back and stands next to the large map that directs him to the north and south ends of the park and he takes a moment to violently ram his skull into the sign, startling a passing elderly couple and a near by flock of birds before letting out a heavy sigh and turning around. Head hanging low as he takes his walk of shame to the one place he's been avoiding for the past two years.

  



	2. Are You Staying?

_And now it's raining... Jongin will be in the shower. He hates the rain. He always said he likes the rain... Just feels gross after he gets rained on._  

Kyungsoo flips up the hood on his black jacket and trudges down the sidewalk until he comes up on a familiar apartment complex and pauses. _What the fuck am I doing? Why am I here?? Just cuz I got off the bus doesn't mean I needed to come here of all fucking places..._ He sniffles once. _It's cold. I should get out of the rain. I should just go. A visit won't hurt. We don't need to have sex. Just small talk until the rain stops and then I'm leaving..._ Kyungsoo nods to himself and walks into the complex, turning a few corners until he sees the door he's looking for and walks up to the window. He can't really see much... Looks like the TV is on and the kitchen light is on as well, but he doesn't see anyone. _It's not too late. You can turn around right now. You don't have to walk into your ex boyfriend's apartment. You could also **not** walk into your ex boyfriend's apartment._ Kyungsoo turns and takes a step away before groaning and turning right back around because he's already here and if he doesn't follow through now he's going to feel like he got scared off and Kyungsoo is not scared. A little bit maybe. _Fuck._  He reaches out and twists the handle, quietly stepping inside and gently shutting the door behind himself. 

It's warm. It smells like a restaurant. Like a _good_ one. _Weird. Jongin never cooks. Or cleans_. Kyungsoo raises a confused eyebrow as he skims over the completely spotless interior of his apartment. _Did he know I'd come this time? No, there's no way. I didn't even know I'd come._ The brunette takes his jacket off and _what the fuck_ hangs it on the fucking coat rack that wasn't here before and frowns, kicking his shoes off and pushing the sleeves to his thermal up to his elbows as he hesitantly makes his entrance into the kitchen. He relaxes his tense features as he realizes Jongin isn't there but tenses right back up as he further realizes the only room that is usually untouched is actually a bit messy. The oven is on and cracked open, which explains the temperature and the smell. There's a cutting board half in the sink and some knives on the island. Kyungsoo walks a little closer and sees some oven mitts on the counter and _holy shit_. The boy picks up the cook book that he gave Jongin to inspire him to take on some meal planning besides Chinese take out. The last time he saw this book, it was collecting dust on the shelf with the old video games that only work on the old play station. Kyungsoo looks up at the shelf and stares in shock when he realizes they're gone. They're all gone. Putting down the cook book he shuffles over to get a closer look and scoffs as he reads the titles of the actual books on the shelf.

 

"Guide to Success."

"Achieving Happiness."

"How to Start Over."

"The 10 Most Important Decisions You Will Ever Make."

"You're Quitting: This Time You Mean It."

"The 5 Healthy Habits of Incredibly Happy People."

"Why Am I Such An Asshole?"

 

Kyungsoo shakes his head in disbelief. _Is this a fucking joke? People don't change. People **can't** change. **Especially** Jongin._ The boy looks away from the shelf and around the living room. The TV is bigger. He's watching Rudolf. _Cute_. That's one thing that seems to be the same. He used to re-watch the 25 Days of Christmas countdown every January to make Christmas last a little longer. Jongin loves Holidays. His twin brother Kai used to send him a card for every holiday, which Jongin would promptly burn. He said they had a falling out after their dad died while they were new in college. Jongin dropped out. Kai moved out of state to live with their mom. Their parents were divorced. Their step mom Hyori wanted Kai to speak at the funeral. Kai wasn't even at the funeral- wasn't as close with his dad, apparently. There was a lot of drama about money and inheritance and it didn't take long before the two of them couldn't last two minutes in the same room without ripping each other's throats out. Jongin isolated himself and ignored all of his brother's kind gestures and attempts to fix things. Kyungsoo wanted him to stop pushing everyone away. Jongin ended up pushing Kyungsoo away, too.

The sound of the bathroom door snaps Kyungsoo out of his thoughts and he turns around to find his ex boyfriend standing in the hall, towel around his waist and dumbfounded expression. He's not as pale as he used to be. More attractive than he remembers.

It feels like minutes go by before Kyungsoo finally breaks the ice. "Hey."

Jongin blinks in shock. "H-hey."

They stare for a couple more seconds before Jongin points to his room. "I'm just gonna–"

"Yeah, go ahead." Kyungsoo stares as Jongin goes into his room and suddenly all second thoughts of coming over are trampled over with lust because Jongin is naked and beautiful and _follow him. Just do it. Just go in there. It'll feel so good. He'll feel so fucking good inside you. He always has._

The bedroom door shuts and Kyungsoo walks down the hallway partially on second nature. Before he even officially gives himself permission, he knocks on the bedroom door. Jongin opens it a few seconds later, sweatpants on but no shirt. The smell of his cologne wafts past him and Kyungsoo breathes it in, eyeing the boy longingly because _fuck_ it's been so long since he's had that scent swirling around him. Jongin corks an eyebrow, probably waiting to see if the boy is going to say something or just keep standing there so the brunette finally builds up the courage to speak first, his voice coming out strained and quiet. "Can I come in?"

The boy offers a half smile, seeming to realize what's happening but still in complete amazement that it's real. He steps to the side and shuts the door as Kyungsoo comes in. The brunette looks around briefly just to note the unfamiliar surroundings due to the recent changes around the apartment. Apparently it has spread to his room as well. It's more organized and the video games are still nowhere to be found. Kyungsoo looks back at Jongin who has closed the gap between them and is now inches from his face and _holy shit this is weird after so long_ but he kinda likes it. Before he knows it Kyungsoo is pressed up against the boy's firm chest, lips locked and so turned on it's not even funny. Jongin breathes heavily and dives right in, swirling his tongue in and out of the boy's mouth and their movements mesh flawlessly even after all this time. Kyungsoo feels warm hands slide under his shirt and he breaks the kiss for Jongin to pull his shirt off and pulls him back in. Kyungsoo is pressed up against the wall and moans in anticipation because it's been so long since he's had decent sex and _fuck this is already so worth walking in the rain._ Pants drop and Jongin is biting and sucking on his neck so hard that Kyungsoo feels the muscles lift up with his skin and he _loves_ this. He missed this so much. No one touches him like Jongin. No one knows his body like Jongin does and Kyungsoo's knees almost buckle as he lets out a soft moan but Jongin presses him into the wall even more to keep him from falling.

The boy parts from his neck and his lips hover for a moment before he nips at Kyungsoo's bottom lip and smirks against his mouth. "I missed you."

Kyungsoo catches his breath a little before replying. "Me too." He grins and they chuckle into each other's mouths before devouring each other, tongues sliding around in all the right places. Their styles have always matched as perfectly as their lips. Kissing Jongin has always felt good. Has always made him lose his shit. Even their first kiss had been flawless.

Finally, Jongin pushes their boxers down and moans as Kyungsoo grinds against him, their members firmly pressed against the other's pelvis until Jongin pulls away and opens a nearby drawer, coming back with lube. "You wanna top or bottom?"

Kyungsoo huffs a laugh. "You always ask me that and my answer never changes."

"I know, I just like to hear you say it."

Kyungsoo's breath hitches as Jongin's hand glides down his abdomen to his member, their lips just barely touching as he lets out a breathless reply. "Bottom. I wanna feel you inside me. You're so good."

Jongin grins and kisses him softly as he picks him up and relocates him to the bed, laying him down and pressing two slick digits to his entrance before penetrating rather easily besides the fact that Kyungsoo winced and made a couple sounds of discomfort. He's still sensitive from the last guy. Jongin notices. "Did someone else fuck you before you came over??"

"Um, yes, but only for like three minutes."

Jongin's face lights up in ammusment. "Sounds like a good time."

Kyungsoo shakes his head. "It wasn't... It was so bad."

His ex smirks. "I'll have to make you finish twice then."

The brunette shivers as he feels his walls being massaged and stretched properly this time and he pants into the other's mouth, hands weaving into the boy's jet black hair. "Jongin, please. _Please_. I _need_ it."

He immediately adds a third finger and presses in deeper and Kyungsoo gasps, back arching off the bed because _fuck_ it takes him two seconds to find his prostate and it's fucking amazing. Kyungsoo moans as Jongin picks up his pace and rubs that spot until Kyungsoo is twitching and chanting his name and so close to his orgasm and Jongin retracts his fingers and slides himself in before Kyungsoo can complain.

"Oh my- oh god, _Jongin–_ " Kyungsoo pants heavily and moans uncontrollably as his ex rams into him repeatedly and Kyungsoo is so fucking hard that when he cums, he doesn't go down.

Jongin laughs as he keeps thrusting. "Ohh, baby, you haven't been treated very well, have you?"

Kyungsoo shakes his head and keens below him as Jongin works his body into the mattress again. "N-no. I'm s-so fucking frustrated." He laughs and wraps his arms and legs around Jongin's neck and waist to pull him closer.

Jongin rocks up into him and pulses into that one bundle of nerves as he presses his mouth to Kyungsoo's ear, whispering to him. "I got you baby–  _Fuck_ , I've been craving this so badly." Kyungsoo moans and clings tighter and Jongin keeps going. "You're _mine_ tonight. I'm gonna fuck you until you pass out."

"Fu-ck, Jongin, don't stop. Don't stop talking." Kyungsoo sounds almost delirious at this point but he doesn't care because _it's so good._.. Jongin is so good and no one knows him like this. No one knows what he needs like Jongin does.

Jongin squeezes he ass with one hand and holds him in place and he rolls his hips. "God, I need you right now. I can't fucking think, you feel so good baby."

Kyungsoo's mouth gapes open in a silent scream as the heat builds and Jongin glides his tongue in, kissing him deeply and penetrating him from both ends and Kyungsoo stops breathing, opening further for him, twitching and shaking in pleasure as he finishes between their stomachs' for the second time. He loosens his grip on the boy and Jongin relaxes against him, transitioning into soft, shallow kisses and Kyungsoo sighs against his lips, feeling the most content he's felt in a long time. He keeps his eyes closed as Jongin kisses down his jaw and neckline, down his chest and abdomen and shivers as he feels the boy lapping up the cum on his stomach and weaves his fingers through his dark hair in appreciation. Jongin always does this. At first it was hot and got him ready for another round. Then at a certain point it hit him that he wasn't doing it to be sexy. He was doing it so Kyungsoo wouldn't have to get up and wash it off right away. 

He moans as he feels his mouth move lower, dipping his tongue into his slit and sucking gently and Kyungsoo fists into his hair a little tighter, his back arching up off the mattress as Jongin takes his whole member into his mouth and suddenly his hand brushes over his entrance before penetrating him again, stroking his insides firmly and moaning over his muscle. Kyungsoo trembles and keens at the vibration, his body being three times more sensitive as Jongin begins to build up his third release and he gasps as he feels pressure on the space behind his balls, an amazing jolt of heat spreading through his core, chills climbing up his spinal cord. Kyungsoo pants and moans erotically under his ex boyfriend's touch and his thighs clench around the boy's head slightly as he sucks harder, presses deeper into his prostate and Kyungsoo thinks he might pass out from holding his breath as he feels his orgasm itching just under the surface of his skin, about to explode when Jongin quickly clenches his available index finger and thumb around the base of his erection and tightens his grip, acting as a makeshift cock ring and blocking his flow and Kyungsoo chokes on his oxygen and practically rips the boy's hair out of his head as his body stiffens and shakes violently, his back arching again as he cries out through an unsatisfying dry orgasm. 

Jongin releases him immediately after and Kyungsoo's body continues to tremble, his chest heaving up and down and he swallows thikly before staring helplessly at his ex boyfriend because _fuck this is brutal_ and he sort of feels like clawing Jongin's eyes out in frustration but as the boy crawls back on top of him he knows they aren't finished yet. Kyungsoo lets his arms fall above his head in surrender and Jongin smirks subtly at the familiar gesture, knowing it means he can't go much longer. It's a rare state but Jongin knows it better than he knows himself.

There's only a short pause before Jongin connects their lips and slowly slides back in, stretching the boy's walls again thrusting directly into his epicenter. Kyungsoo whimpers and clenches around the penetration and they both groan in unison at the tight friction. The room begins to feel like a sauna, their bodies now drenched in sweat and hot as their torsos press up against each other. Jongin holds the boy tightly, not letting him move as he stays deep inside him, rocking up slowly into his sweet spot. Kyungsoo pants heavily into his mouth, every breath trembling past his lips as he clutches to his ex like his life depends on it, brows furrowing and hissing through clenched teeth. Jongin's muscles quiver in slight fatigue with every pulse to the boy's prostate as he switches from slow and gentle to fast and hard and Kyungsoo moans under his weight, writhing below him and hyperventilating as Jongin's heat rams into him over and over again, making his lungs tighten and his stomach coil in anticipation. Jongin dives down into the crook of his neck, biting and sucking relentlessly at the flesh and the pitch of Kyungsoo's moans get higher before disappearing all together when his ex covers his mouth with his hand. The boy takes a deep breath before Jongin presses his hand down and blocks his air, thrusting harder and faster as his gut gets even tighter.

Jongin presses his lips to his ear, his hot breath ghosting over his neck as he whispers. "Come on, baby... You're so close, I can feel you." Kyungsoo's legs start shaking again and he grapples to hold on to him tighter as the pressure in his lungs pushes his climax over the edge, the coiling in his stomach releasing like a spring and Jongin keeps his thrusts steady and right on point as he cums deep inside him, triggering one more wave of heat through Kyungsoo's body before removing his hand from his mouth. "Breathe..."

The boy exhales loudly and Jongin glides in and out of him a few more times, slowing the pace back down to a stop as Kyungsoo catches his breath and comes down from his orgasm, rings of left over pleasure radiating still even after his ex has stopped moving inside him. They lie there in silence for a few minutes until Jongin presses their foreheads together and Kyungsoo pulls him into a sated kiss.

His ex pulls away a few moments later but Kyungsoo keeps his eyes closed. "How do you feel?"

"Amazing."

"Are you satisfied?"

Kyungsoo sighs in contentment and opens his eyes. "Yes." 

Jongin's expression is unexpectedly cold, but it doesn't seem intentional. "Good." He smiles and kisses him again before slowly pulling out, both boys groaning from sensitivity. Jongin peels himself off of the boy and slowly stands up, running a hand through his hair as he walks out of the room.

Kyungsoo takes one more deep inhale before exhaling and cautiously sitting up. He finds his boxers and shrugs them on before habitually going to Jongin's dresser and pulling on a pair of his grey sweat pants. A few minutes go by before he thinks Jongin isn't coming back and walks to the doorway. His ex walks right up to him and Kyungsoo's eyes are drawn to the black coy fish on the inside of his left forearm as he hands him a warm wash cloth and enters the room. He finished it. It used to be more of a rough draft. Hadn't decided on color. Kyungsoo smirks and wipes down his stomach for the stickiness and turns around to see the boy pulling on his boxer briefs and green and red plaid pj bottoms.

Jongin casually sends an indifferent glance in his direction. "Are you staying?"

Kyungsoo thinks for a moment, wondering if there's a wrong answer to this. He nods his head slowly and smiles warmly at the subtle smirk on Jongin's face. There was _definitely_ a wrong answer.

 


	3. It's Pretty Hard to Fuck Up Chicken

Jongin decided to light up the fireplace. The lighting is dim and makes it slightly difficult to see their dinner, so they relocate to sit in front of the fire and set their plates on the coffee table. Kyungsoo smiles to himself. "This is good."

Jongin shrugs. "It's pretty hard to fuck up chicken."

He chuckles. "Yeah, I know that, but compared to Chang's Chinese Take-Out."

Now Jongin laughs. "I still eat there, but this is nothing like the stuff you used to make for us."

"Well I don't think my ego could handle it if it was."

The boy smirks up at Kyungsoo before standing up and walking behind the island. "You want something to drink?"

"I don't really feel like hard alcohol right now."

"Oh no, I don't keep that shit around anymore. I meant do you want water or something."

Kyungsoo raises his brows and whips around to face the kitchen. "You stopped drinking??"

"Yeah, like a year ago. I mean I still drink– wine, beer, hard cider, stuff like that– I stopped buying the strong stuff, though."

Kyungsoo nods to himself and turns back to the fire. _Bullshit. People don't change. People can't change. Especially not Jongin._

"So do you want anything? I made a seasonal glugg cider yesterday. It's alcoholic, but it's not too strong. It's really good."

The brunette tucks his lips. _I wonder how full of shit he actually is._

Kyungsoo turns his head toward Jongin. "Okay." He smirks to himself, thinking for sure his ex boyfriend isn't as in control as he says. 

* * *

Jongin bursts out into laughter, setting his cup down so it doesn't spill and covers his face with his hands. "Oh my god I can't believe you remember that."

"How do I forget that?!" Kyungsoo chuckles and leans forward to nudge his right arm. "The first date leaves a big impression."

The boy shakes his head. "I was so stupid back then."

Kyungsoo giggles. "I'm sure lots of guys forget to let their date order before the waiter leaves."

"I don't think they do." He huffs a laugh and smiles warmly at his guest. "For the record it's the waiter's job to remember, not mine."

"Of course." Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and scans the room, frowning when he sees a photo booth strip on the billboard of Jongin and some girl with straight chin length red, pink and orange hair, bangs across her forehead, smiling and hugging him from the side, making an adorably crazy face, kissing him on the cheek, one with Jongin looking like he's about to bite her ear and _what the fuck_ , "Who's that?"

"Hm?"

Kyungsoo points to the pictures and Jongin catches on. 

"Ah. Shin Ji Min."

The brunette glares. "She's cute."

"Yeah, she's awesome. We dance together. She plays guitar, sings, and she can rap really well– great dancer. She works really hard when she's not sleeping in." He huffs a laugh and smiles warmly at the pictures. 

Kyungsoo scrunches his nose. "Is she even legal?"

Jongin laughs. "She's a 91. Wait, are you _jealous_ right now?"

"No–" Kyungsoo fails to hold a straight face and his ex just laughs harder.

"Just because I'm bisexual doesn't mean I bang everyone with a pretty face! She's like my best friend. All platonic. I think she's dating someone actually. Probably why I haven't seen her recently."

Kyungsoo relaxes and then mentally slaps himself for letting himself be jealous in the first place. He takes another sip of his obnoxiously good cider and huffs in frustration, startling subtly when Jongin touches his shoulder.

"Shh." Jongin chuckles and rubs the boy's back. "You okay?"

He nods stiffly and looks into the fire, not making eye contact, secretly sulking when Jongin's hand stops. There's a long silence before Jongin speaks again.

"Why did you come here?"

Kyungsoo remains stoic. "Keep booty calling repeatedly and it's bound to work for you eventually." It's quiet again as the boy zones out into the fireplace, only snapping out of it when Jongin speaks again.

"Well, it's nice to spend time with you again."

Kyungsoo lets out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding and sets his cup down before rubbing his face with his hands. "Jongin," He huffs in frustration. "This doesn't change anything."

The boy presses his tongue to his cheek in annoyance. "I wasn't _trying_ to change anything, I'm just making conversation."

"Yeah." Kyungsoo is silent as he continues to stare at the flames, irritation prickling under his skin.

A few moments pass before Jongin scoffs and stares at Kyungsoo incredulously. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No?" The boy frowns as if confusing himself before shaking his head and glaring at his ex boyfriend. "You think I don't know what your doing? I'm not stupid, Jongin." Kyungsoo pulls his knees into his chest and stares forward again.

"Yeah, I think you _don't_ know what I'm doing. I think you don't know anything about me anymore."

"I know you better than anyone."

"You _knew_ me better than anyone."

"People don't change."

"I have."

Kyungsoo shakes his head. "No."

Jongin huffs a laugh. "You're the one who hasn't changed."

The boy looks at him with distaste. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

His ex shakes his head and laughs again. "Look, I'm not trying to rekindle anything. I was just being honest."

Kyungsoo stares forward, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Oh look. You learned a new trick."

"Okay, I'm done." Kyungsoo watches in surprise as his ex stands up and walks away. "If you don't want to be here then get out. I don't want to fight with you."

Kyungsoo hears a bunch of loud clanking and water running coming from the kitchen and he can't shove down the feeling of guilt as he lets their words sink in. He's almost in shock at the fact that Jongin isn't yelling at him, getting defensive, making hurtful comments and acting like a massive jerk. The dancer simply walked away when it started to get out of line and there's no way that he is just able to control his anger issues all of a sudden. There's no way he's faking it and playing Mr. Nice Guy just to trick Kyungsoo into thinking he's changed. It takes months of therapy, hard work and maybe even medication for the Jongin he knew to be capable of what he just did.

Kyungsoo stares into his empty mug where the alcoholic cider was and sighs. _I'm such a light weight, I probably wouldn't have even said those things in the first place had I not practically chugged that drink._ Kyungsoo looks over at Jongin's mug and mentally groans in embarrassment. It's full. It's fucking full. Not far from it at least. Jongin has maybe taken five sips. Two years ago, he would have been on drink three by the time Kyungsoo finished drink one.

He looks around the room again, this time with a new perspective, an open mind. The apartment is well kept. Some dust here and there but that's normal for someone as busy as he is. There are no empty soda cans and dirty plates lying around. Not one wrapper. Kyungsoo looks back at the book shelf with the self help books and feels the weight of a new understanding, the realization that this isn't an act, that those books have been read and possibly referred to repeatedly. _I'm an asshole. I need to apologize immediately._

The brunette stands up and walks around the coffee table, catching a glimpse of the Christmas cards on the mantle and stops to read them. One from his mom, a few from random relatives Kyungsoo isn't familiar with and one from... Kyungsoo's heart stops and begins aching like crazy as he stares at the personalized hallmark card, a fairly recent picture of Jongin and his identical twin smiling happily at the camera, Santa hats photo shopped onto their heads, a huge lake and beautiful pine trees behind them. He picks up the card and opens it and he needs to read it twice to make sure he read it right.

 

> Jongin,
> 
> We obviously haven't spent a Christmas together for a very long time so I added those Santa hats to our picture. Bet you couldn't even tell it's photo shopped, huh? I know. I'm super talented. You're going to kill me for this but here I go anyway- sappy holiday message **<** **activate** **>**
> 
> This past year has been the best that I've had in a long time. I'm so proud of you for turning your life around like you did and I'm so glad that we finally rekindled a lost and broken friendship. I never doubted you once and I know I've told you this in person a thousand times now, but I'm putting it in writing so you don't forget. You're an incredible person and the most attractive human being I have ever laid eyes on. (haha). I love you bro. Thank you for everything.
> 
> You want to punch me right? (haha) #worthit
> 
> ~ Kai
> 
> P.S. I can't wait to spend the holidays with you this year. Literally, I'm flying out a week early, so prepare for non-stop bro hugging and old black & white movie marathons. See you soon! Happy Santa Month, Jongin.
> 
> P.S.S. Don't burn this one, asshole.

 

Kyungsoo swallows thickly and places the card back on the mantle. _My heart. It hurts._ He can barely process all of this. All of these changes are huge, but _this_ one– _this one_ hits home for Kyungsoo. It killed him to see Jongin let his relationship crumble and Kyungsoo bugged him about a lot of his problems but he used to beg Jongin to reconnect with Kai. Literally begged, as in on his knees for asexual reasons _begging_ him to just call his twin. Now, Kyungsoo is staring at hard evidence that Jongin has finally done it and the emotions are hitting him too hard to contain so the brunette covers his mouth as his eyes start watering and he sits back down on the couch for about a minute before pulling himself together. Jongin is still in the kitchen and doesn't hear Kyungsoo sniffling over the loud dishes and the sink running and Kyungsoo finally grabs their plates from earlier and walks out of the living room. 

His ex is standing at the sink, looking not as angry as he was when he left and Kyungsoo hesitantly sets the plates down on the counter next to him. Jongin glances at the plates but doesn't pay much attention to the boy who brought them and as he continues washing and loading into the dish washer, Kyungsoo shifts on his feet behind him, feeling awkward and burdened and it takes a moment to build up the courage to say the words that he is thinking but he takes a deep breath and pipes out a quiet, "I'm sorry."

Jongin doesn't react and Kyungsoo realizes he didn't hear him over the water so he shoves down his ego again and retries, this time speaking louder. "I'm sorry."

His ex boyfriend freezes and he shuts off the water before turning around to stare at Kyungsoo with the same dumbfounded expression he had on when the boy first saw him in the hallway. He wipes his hands on a dry hand towel and just stares, waiting for Kyungsoo to continue.

The brunette licks his lips and looks down. "Y-You um– you called him." Kyungsoo swallows before glancing up at the boy.

Jongin half smiles and nods down at the towel in his hand as he carefully folds it. "I flew out to New York. Saw my mom, too."

Kyungsoo smiles warmly, feeling so incredibly happy and relieved about this that he's actually starting to wonder if he ever really stopped caring about Jongin. "That's great."

Jongin looks up at him and nods in agreement. "You were right. About a lot of things." His face seems to take on a layer of regret. "You were right to leave me."

It's the reassurance that Kyungsoo was mentally searching for, but instead of feeling reassured, he just feels sad. "Really?"

"Yeah." The boy shrugs his shoulders. "I didn't have the motivation to change for you. When you finally left, it made me want to change for _me_." He pauses to think for a moment before adding one more comment. "It took some time to kick the alcohol addiction, but I finally got it under control."

Kyungsoo nods, believing what he says for once. "You look healthy."

"I feel healthy." He smiles proudly and Kyungsoo smiles back, the contagious smile still fully affective. It's quiet for a while before Jongin speaks again. "Soo?"

The brunette melts at the nickname. "Yes?"

Jongin reaches up to rub the back of his neck, a nervous habit of his, and Kyungsoo begins to brace himself for him to say something he shouldn't. "I really," He sighs and puts the hand towel down before continuing. "miss you. Not just sleeping with you, I mean," He stops when he picks up on Kyungsoo's awkward and panicked expression and huffs a laugh, shaking his head. "Sorry. I shouldn't– I know. It's," he takes a deep breath, "It's over. I know that. I do."

Kyungsoo's heart throbs painfully at the statement and he's taken aback by the flood of mixed feelings he gets from himself. The brunette lets out a hard exhale and runs a hand through his hair, his eyes catching the black koi fish tattoo on Jongin's arm again. It's traveling "upstream" towards his elbow, swimming through some lily pads and lotus flowers to get there. It's beautiful and very well done and Kyungsoo finds it even more attractive now that it's finished.

The air between them becomes incredibly thick and Kyungsoo thinks he should probably say something but he doesn't know what to say. Jongin said it himself. It's over. They're over. He knows this. They _both_ know this, so why is it so painful to acknowledge now after two years of being separated? Kyungsoo scoffs when he remembers his plan to come over for small talk and leave. _Plans change._ The boy feels a subtle wave of nerves as his thoughts start developing without him. _Things change. Circumstances change, and people... people can change_. Kyungsoo had it wrong this whole time. People _do_ change and people change their minds. They change their opinions almost daily and sometimes even their morals and values over a long period of time. Jongin _changed_ and is standing here in front of him trying to tell him the one thing that hasn't changed.

Kyungsoo's heart beats harder and faster as he realizes that it hasn't changed for him either. The words leave his mouth without permission. "I miss you, too." Kyungsoo's throat is in his lungs and his heart is on his sleeves when he looks up, bravely risking eye contact. Jongin looks like he's experiencing the same sensation. "Not just sex, but," He tries to clarify and his throat catches in the same part of the confession as his ex's.

Jongin's jaw clenches and there's a brief moment of hesitation while he appears to attempt a verbal response but he swallows his words and takes a deep breath before he darts forward and takes Kyungsoo into his arms, kissing him passionately, fingers combing through his brown hair as he pulls him into the hurried kiss and Kyungsoo goes more than willingly, wrapping his arms around him tightly and gasping into his mouth as he is lifted up onto the kitchen counter. It's fast paced and desperate and within no time, their pants and underwear are shoved down just far enough as Jongin presses his member inside of him. Kyungsoo rolls his pelvis, panting heavily into the other's neck and they cling to each other like they need this to survive. Their chests throb and ache against each other and their mouths line up again to share oxygen as Jongin presses in deeper, practically bruising the shorter with how tightly he's grabbing his torso and rocking up into the boy's prostate, making Kyungsoo moan shamelessly into his mouth. 

The atmosphere is so heavy and they can't seem to satisfy the deep need they're feeling for each other. They're moving on autopilot, trying to get closer and closer, wanting their souls to devour each other, their bodies fighting for friction and pleasure and Kyungsoo thinks that they are succeeding because he has never felt so thoroughly penetrated, so firmly handled even by Jongin himself when they were still together. Jongin has never whimpered quite like this before just now when Kyungsoo caressed his face and pressed his hips down on his member, sweat gathering between their bodies and making them stick together. Jongin's thrusts are strained and uncoordinated as he chases their release with a rare form of desperation and want and need and he presses his face into Kyungsoo's shoulder and Kyungsoo somehow makes a steady rhythm out of it, moaning and crying out as the heat builds up inside of his core. The heat radiates and warms the entire room and the sweat between them now makes it feel like they're in the shower the way the moisture drips from their bangs and allows their torsos to glide. Their position isn't the most convenient for climaxing without effort but it's the most appropriate for the moment so the energy expended is on extreme levels and their muscles burn as they do everything in their power to stay at the best angles and their movement isn't fast enough to use momentum but they're both so close to their release and they won't stop or change anything because _emotionally_ this is perfect. Difficult, but exactly what they need.

Kyungsoo's breath hitches and locks in place as his orgasm rushes through his whole body and his semen spurts across Jongin's chest, his body shaking uncontrollably from fatigue and pleasure as he feels Jongin finish inside him, his moan stuttering as he rides it out to completion. They both stay there, not completely relaxing due to some of their muscles being stuck in a contracted state and trembling, but the gaping holes in their chests have been filled and the throbbing and aching has been satisfied and now they just feel warm as they breathe each other in, relishing in each other's scent.

Jongin's hands glide down Kyungsoo's back and retrace their paths on the way up to squeeze his shoulders. His forehead is pressed against the boy's sternum as he catches his breath and Kyungsoo's fingers are still weaving through his hair, even though it's wet now from the work out. Kyungsoo takes another deep breath and swallows thickly, body beginning to relax more and head starting to pound a bit from lack of oxygen, but the rest of his body is buzzing contently.

Jongin finally lifts his head and lightly trases the boy's jaw and cheek bone with his nose before licking his lips and aligning their faces, both hands coming up to firmly hold his head. After a moment of silence and breathing each other's air, Jongin swallows again. "Are you," he takes a couple more seconds to steady his breathing. "Are you staying?"

It's the same question from earlier but the weight is heavier this time. Kyungsoo lets out a breath and nods. "Okay."

They both stare at each other warily, unsure of what is going to happen now, unsure what 'staying' means and unsure if they even want to think or talk about it because yeah, they had sex when Kyungsoo first got there but they did not have sex like this after a conversation like that. It's completely different now– but even though he came here wanting nothing to do with Jongin's life, even though he didn't want to talk about what happened between them, even though he showed up with the complete intension of not giving a fuck about fixing things and leaving after a few hours, even though his original plan crumbled to pieces, in the end, Kyungsoo feels calm– he feels at peace with whatever happens next.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Hope you liked it, lets me know down in the comment section! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! Please leave me a comment if you liked it <3


End file.
